The first 6-seconds...above the fold
The headline, "Get Better Grades For Your Child Now. Results Guaranteed!" is good, but can get better. If you were to AB test this current headline with, "Improve Your Child's Grade Level By A Full Year--Or Your Money Back!"... which do you think will fare better?
The first headline offered a benefit to its target audience, but was vague. Better grades... by how much? Parents can spend more time tutoring their kids and this will lead to better grades, so what's the point of signing up?
Using "Guarantees" on your headline is powerful, but only if the promise of a solution hits the mark. I will do this--if not you get your money back.
Be specificFrom the money back guarantee headline, the lead paragraph should follow through on that promise. Tell a success story, give a recent news article about the service, give statistics about the subject. From there, you need to connect with your reader. Do not lose them by making big claims and promises. What you should do next is to build up their trust about your brand. Why should they trust you and not tutor the kids themselves?
Do not pay attention to the other brand. Talk to your reader as if he/she were right in front of you and tell them why your brand is different and is the solution that they are looking for.
It's good to have a video to help deliver your message. The sales message used was good, but can still be better. How? Use more specifics. Give them an idea as to what methods are used... how are the kids going to learn better? How much time are the kids going to spend with the tutor?
Overcome inertiaI think the main concern that the ad has to overcome in the parent's mind is this--my kids are not doing well in school. Either I do it myself and spend more time with my kids, or I pay someone else to do it.
I'm a parent myself - I have four kids. Frankly, it is easier for me to choose option one (spend more time with the kids) than to respond to this ad.
One more thingThe ad mentioned a "results guaranteed" in the headline, but if you read through the ad, there are no details about the guarantee. Bummer. Guarantees are strong incentives to sign up. It's disappointing to be led into the ad but find nothing about the guarantee.
Don't use it if you are can't offer a strong no-risk guarantee. It has to be at least, a 100% money back guarantee--no questions asked. If there are terms and conditions attached to that guarantee and that it's in fine print, that guarantee is useless.
SummaryTo improve conversion rates for this sales funnel, do three things:
- Headline: be more specific
- Establish credibility, build trust
- No risk guarantee