Email marketing copy critique

email marketing fail
Here's the actual spam they sent me this morning.
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I'm not really a fan of email marketing. Do you want to know why?

I get better mileage using other forms of direct marketing.

If I were to run a mail campaign, I'd rather go for snail mail rather than spam. It's more costly, but people these days look forward to getting something in their real life mail box.

To get more business from the internet, I'd rather use a combination of paid search and content marketing than to send spam to my target audience.

Spam fail
I recently gave my trashmail address to sign up for a real estate webinar here in NZ. At the last moment, they cancelled. They have been sending me spam since.

Trashmail automatically creates a disposable email address that will forward all emails to your real address. In this case, I registered with It is set to expire in 30 days, or 10 emails, whichever comes first.

In the meantime, I am going to use their spam as fodder for my website critiques.

Here is the latest spam that I got from them. The copywriting is lame, if you ask me. It looks like it was written by someone in their office, probably the head of the sales or marketing department.

Message analysis
The subject line on my inbox reads... "The Clock Says Buy!"

More often than not, the reader's reaction to this is, "So what?"

If that attention grabber got you interested enough to open the email, their first 5-second message goes...
"As property moves through its normal cycle, successful investors look for the next area to invest in (often beyond their own backyard), to catch a rising market and fast-track their investing results".

More "so what" copywriting, isn't it?

I'm a copywriter. It's my job to analyze messages like these. Digging deeper into their sales message, these experts will get a better response if they spent an hour or two crafting their attention grabbers from these...
"Right now, QV are predicting continuing price growth for 2012 in Auckland. We've seen sales volumes increase 36% in Auckland, and 6% in Wellington. In both Wellington and Auckland, days on market have shortened and we've also seen another 1.5% growth in the last quarter in Wellington and 4% in Auckland."

I made this critique because I found that the rest of their message was well written. They gave enough facts to support their claims, and the writer did not use too much hype.

Here's the take-away.
First 5-seconds... if your message fails to hold your prospect's attention, the rest of your message will never be read.

To make it work, find out what it is they want, then tell them how to get it.

Marketing in the age of google

Now reading... Marketing in the Age of Google, Revised and Updated: Your Online Strategy IS Your Business Strategy

book: marketing in the age of google

Here's an excerpt from the opening chapters of the book...

"The Keys to an Effective Search Strategy
To incorporate search into your organization:
  • Add search metrics to your data mix to better understand your audience, see industry trends, and build a better product strategy
  • Integrate offline and online marketing activities to capitalize on your offline advertising efforts and to keep from losing potential customers that your offline advertising efforts are driving to search engines
  • Develop a search acquisition strategy that fully harnesses the searching behavior of your potential customers

To successfully execute your search strategy, you should build its importance into every aspect of the organization—not just marketing. A successful search strategy depends on
  • IT and Engineering
  • Product Marketing
  • Business Development
  • Marketing and Advertising
  • PR
  • Customer Support
  • User Research
  • User Interaction Design
  • ...and any other department that thinks about the business, customers, product, or Web site

Marketing in the Age of Google will guide you toward building a successful search strategy and extending the process for execution throughout your entire organization."

One page 10, I found these gems...

Even those retailers who don’t sell products online or who have substantial offline sales are still impacted by search. Online advertising triggers $6 to be spent offline for every dollar spent online14 and the in-store sales boost from search is three times greater than online display advertising. Considering that those numbers were calculated for paid search, how much of a greater impact can organic search have with 85 percent of the clicks?

Sixty-three percent of search-related purchases occur offline,15 and for some categories, this number is even higher.16 What about local businesses? In a WebVisible/Nielson study, 82 percent of respondents said that they’ve used the internet to find local businesses; 80 percent say they’ve researched a product or service online before buying it locally.

Yet, only 44 percent of small businesses even have a Web site.17 If you have a business, you need to be visible in search engines whether you sell online or not.

Headline critique - Clown text

Someone in the copywriting forum asked for our opinion about her ad. Here's the headline...


Personally, I don't like it.

It reads like a salesman wearing a red and green suit asking you to buy something, right?

"Send your conversion through the roof..." I don't get where these people get ideas for headlines like these. Maybe they look at their competitor's ads and think, "I can beat their ad by making a more awesome headline."

And so, they did.

Your website is your salesperson, working 24/7. As much as possible, you do not want to turn people off. You want them to stay for as long as possible. This way, your can deliver your sales pitch and motivate them to do what you want them to do--buy, subscribe, bookmark or share.

Get it right
Last I checked, google has indexed 7 BILLION websites. That's a lot of websites out there that wants to get your prospect's attention as much as you do.

In the first five seconds that your prospect finds your website and your message fails to get their attention, they're gone. What's worse, it will be that much harder for you to get them to stay the next time they find your site.

They are going to think... "I've seen this site before. There's nothing here that interests me."

How I would do it differently
Don't make big promises in your headlines. Use something else that's more believable.

What does "conversion" mean anyway?

I'm sure that you know what conversion means, but what about your prospect? Does conversion mean more subscribers? What if they are not looking for subscribers, but sales? Do not make them think. Get to the point.

Instead of making a big promise, I would use a headline that will illustrate the point...

"Improve conversion by 321% with this simple plan"

"734 clicked on our buy button in the first three days. Here's how"

Get the idea?

For what it's worth, do not make your message to look like an ad. People do not like being sold to. They want solutions to their problems. Format your message like an article first. Tell them as much as you can about the solution that you offer.

That means, use black text on white background when possible. Red and green bold text will only make your message read like a clown. You don't want that. When was the last time you bought something from a clown?

How a good sales webpage looks like

Print ad in Reader's Digest, November 2011

And here is the website copy on the website. Click on the image to enlarge.

govmint website critique
govmint website critique
govmint website critique
govmint website critique

Notice that this ad does not have a lot of hype. In fact, there's too much text that it looks boring, doesn't it? Can you identify the subtle hints and appeals to the emotion?

I do not have access to their traffic and conversion stats, but if you were's target audience, I wouldn't be surprised if you too, read every word of that ad.

Website critique - Logo design company

jim syyap copywriting website analysis

Hi Jim, We need help generating leads for our website. We are a group of logo designer, we have a website and we design logos for 50$. Revisions are free for all the logos we design. Our website use plimus and a payment gateway. also, SEO is done on the website.

Help wanted
Put yourself in your prospect's shoes for a moment.

You own a small business. Like almost all business owners, you are always trying to meet deadlines. Today, you decide to get help creating a logo for your business.

You do a search for "logo design", and you get these...

...and that's just the first page.

Search engine optimized
You mentioned that your website has been "optimized" for search engines, so we are going to assume that your website is able to land on page one for your chosen keywords.

In the first five seconds that your prospect finds your site, there is nothing on your landing page to motivate them to stay and look around. Sure, you have these...
About us. Whether you own a small private business or a large corporation, we’ve got you covered. We guarantee you top notch logo design services down to the tiniest detail. You can count on us to make sure our custom logos and company logo design will have people chasing you down the street screaming “LET ME DO BUSINESS WITH YOU!” although, we are not liable if any of your car windows get broken, sorry. We have an incredible passion for design, heightened by our obsession with quality and perfection, and this is further fueled by the 200% dedication we put into each and every custom logos we design. We, as a team with talent and commitment, provide logo design services for you, our valued customer, and we do this with every bit of heart we can muster. Prior to the development phase we compare different up to date technologies and possible pitfalls and choose the most suitable and cost effective solution.

... but do you think the busy small business owner will have the patience to wade through all that text looking for what he/she is looking for?

Your foot in the door
In the first five seconds, BAM--Give them your best message...
  • Which one of their urgent problems can you help them with?
  • What makes you unique?
  • How can you convince them that you are what you claim to be?

You can use your answer to any of the above questions as your attention grabber.

Your "About Us" copy only talks about who you are and what you do. Almost everyone else not making money with internet marketing is doing that.

Everyone else can claim that "We have an incredible passion for design, heightened by our obsession with quality and perfection, and this is further fueled by the 200% dedication we put into each and every custom logos we design."

Don't make 'em think
Instead of making claims, show us.

Why not make a video of the projects you have made in the past?

Show us your album or portfolio.

If your team were that "talented and committed," making a 15-minute video wouldn't be too much trouble, don't you think?

And don't talk to your prospect using big words, such as, "we compare different up to date technologies and possible pitfalls and choose the most suitable and cost effective solution."

What does that mean?

Don't make them think. Show them.

Looking for a good clickbank ad

curly hair

These past few weeks, I have been busy optimizing a few of my websites for affiliate marketing.

It's exciting to see that a website can generate income on its own, even if it were just a few cents per day.

There are a number of merchants that I can use on clickbank, but most of the ads offer too much hype. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of affiliate ads in there to choose from. The one that I picked for my affiliate site offered less hype, but still did not match my taste.

Maybe I should contact these merchants and offer them my copywriting service.

The problem with their ads? They all look the same. It's like it was written by one copywriter. Here, see for yourself...

Go through the clickbank marketplace, click on a few of the products and you will see what I mean.

You will find these a common theme:
  • Headline in red, bold font
  • A sales video
  • Bullets as checkmarks
  • A "buy now" button showing credit cards accepted
  • Glowing testimonials
  • Too much hype

What's wrong with ads like these?

Let's face it. There's just too many ads out there. Way too much. Wouldn't it be nice to just find the information I want without being sold to? That's what everyone else wants. To get their attention, provide value information first, not as a bait.

It's inevitable that you are going to sell them something, that's how we make money. If so, why make your ad read like everyone else's?

The majority of ads on clickbank, they sound too good to be true. As the affiliate, I am going to have to put up with a lot of dead-weight just to gain my audience's trust to get them to buy the product.

Besides, if you are like me, we all know the kind of information that's being given away for free in exchange for an email address--information that you probably already know from doing your own research.

What's annoying about this ad featured above is that it takes four clicks just to close that webpage. It keeps coming up with "wait--here's more!"

Soon as I find my ideal clickbank product and ad, I'll post them here.

I found one. You will find it in the navigation bar above--"Youtube Marketing"

This youtube marketer doesn't know how to sell

Click on the image to enlarge

In the first five seconds, you get...
Hi, my name is Jawad

After many trial and errors, finally! I figured out a system through which anybody can bring in flood of FREE targeted traffic to any website with Youtube marketing within minutes of applying this system.

No matter in which niche you are. You are an Affiliate marketer, CPA marketer or just even an Adsense earner, this system works for everybody and for every niche. You will be getting tons of free targeted traffic and your visitors will be making you money day and night clockwise. I challenge you this is fastest way of getting traffic from Youtube to any site of any niche. Actually there are many ways to earn using Youtube. Like, CPA Offers, Affiliate Marketing, Adsense, Selling Physical Products and even providing your own services etc. But whatever the making money method you use, the main thing is you need traffic and lots of targeted traffic to make big money and I will show you how in the Youtube Tornado e-Book. I applied this system on my Adsense Youtube channel, for a Physical Product, CPA Offers, Adbrite and for some CB affiliate products.

My very first info product

I'm turning a new page in my business today.

I have finished the info product that I am going to market on the internet. Next step for me is to write the ad/website for the product, then broadcast on adwords.

I have two more in the pipeline. Soon as I finish publishing the ad for this first info product, I will begin work on the other two.

What I can guarantee you is that this blog is not going to be plastered with advertising/affiliate ads. That's not my style. I am going to mention the ad as a link now and then, but only to point something out.

I can also publish the earnings from that business in here in the coming months--but only if enough people were to comment that they want to see them.

I really wanted this, but...

Click on the image to enlarge

This is one copywriter position that I wanted to get...

WANTED: Are You A Master Copywriter?
I am looking for a copywriter who is interested in ongoing work.

NOTE: I am only selecting the TOP candidate.

What you will get out of this role:

- Frequent and varied projects to work on.
- You will have the opportunity to work with one of the world's most successful copywriters.
- You will have access to the greatest copywriting resources on the planet (including a HUGE library of RARE swipe files!)


Before you apply, make sure you meet ALL of the below criteria:

- You must be reliable
- You must be a GREAT communicator (always available on skype/email, always updating me on progress)
- You must have PROOF of converting copy (conversion rates, sales figures, revenue generated, etc)
- You must be VERY good at English
- You must have experience writing salesletters and email campaigns

In your application:

- List your top 3 favourite copywriters and WHY
- List your top 3 copywriting products (books, seminars, audios courses, etc) and WHY
- List the niches you have experience in
- Attach your BEST copywriting sample

I look forward to hearing from you!

PS - This is an ongoing role so the listed budget is just a guide. The pay rate will be discussed with the successful candidate.

Google Analytics - Last 30 days

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Looking good, doesn't it?
  • Average time on site is +4 minutes
  • Average page per visit +3
  • +37% returning visits

Website critique - affiliate marketing website

Project overview:
The client is an affiliate marketer for several products. For this particular website, she markets tests for ADHD. Her target market are people who suspects that they, or someone they know, has ADHD.

To market their brand on the internet, the client had a facebook fan page, and a separate sales website. I took a screenshot of the sales page for every time I hit page down. This way, you can get an idea of how the previous copywriter's copy elements tie together.

At a glance, you can smell the SPAM from a mile away. I don't have data on conversion, but I can tell that the client was not happy about it.

This is what the client's sales page looks like every time you hit page down on your keyboard (click on the image to see more)...

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How can I become an advertising copywriter without paying for copywriting school?

We learn by going where we want to go. - Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way

White belt level
There are a number of ways to get a crack in this field. All of them are valid, and depends on what you will make out of it.

Website Critique: Car Deals Finder

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This is what your prospect sees when they first find your website.

"Why stress when you can have Carmony" is vague, not specific. The play on words (Carmony = harmony) makes sense for you, but you're not sure everyone else is going to get it.

Why not use "Quick and competitive quotes for new car purchases," instead?

Looking around, I think this will make a better welcome message to your prospect when they find your website...

Click on the image to see more

Do you want to gain more credibility with car buyers?
  1. From their point of view, 24-hours is a long time to get those quotes. Show them why it takes that long, and how you are able to get the best quotes from car dealers--so they save time not having to shop around.
  2. It might help to explain how and why it's possible for them to get a $250 cash back after the sale.

Tattoo Website - White Text On Black Background

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I need a new front page written for TargettattooDOTcom. Can you make it more sales oriented, and based on the content already there but be more modern and engaging...?

Accountant's Website Needs An Upgrade

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Certified Public Accountant website needs content to be updated and jazzed up. Some SEO work but want more fresh content on site. More in line with clients. Marketing contact should be aimed at Medical professionals in and around my area.

Clients, medical professionals from startup in practice to new grades that need advice and help in accounting and tax area.

New medical professionals and what they need after working in hospital and starting new practice. Find out and focus on what they need and what I can do for them.

How To Get Your Prospect To Almost Always Read Your Email

I found this on my inbox today. I remember finding their ad on facebook, and curious as a copywriter would be, followed the ad. I must have signed up for their free service and gave them my email--I should have used trashmail instead.

Anyway, I am sharing their email here to point out how these spammers could have done better. Take a look at what they sent me...

Hello Jim,

Your name was referred to us by Nimble as we are a reseller of Nimble in NZ, you will find us at xactsoftwareDOTcom.

We has been in the CRM business since 2000, providing software and services to small to medium business. We have recently taken up Nimble as we were so impressed with the simplicity yet attention to detail that Nimble brings to social CRM.

Any questions you have on Nimble Social CRM or CRM in general, please make contact and perhaps book a demonstration via GoToMeeting with us.

Kind Regards,

Danielle Hermez
Marketing Manager
Xact Software Solution

Should I Spend More On Getting Traffic or Conversion?

I found this question on LinkedIn Answers and decided to write about it...
"Is Conversion Rate Optimization Cheaper Than Traffic?"

Let's say run a car dealership...

used car lot metaphor

Connect With Your Audience - Talk To Them As You Would Face To Face

Hi Jim,

TheLocalLocksmiths essentially are building a nationwide locksmith database and providing the locksmith with sms texts when a customer finds the site (TheLocalLocksmiths) and calls into to our call centre. If you visit the site, you will see the list of benefits.

For the local locksmiths, we want our prospect to join our Brand New SMS Text


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Control Your Reader's Behavoir - Here's How

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Anticipate how they will react
Action - reaction. In your website copy and layout, get your audience to react in the way that you want them to. What questions are running through their mind? Will they do this or that?

Just like in real world, face to face selling, the sales person has to be in control of the interaction.

The image on the landing page will surely catch your attention, doesn't it? Other than that, the page doesn't motivate you to stay and look around.

Use captions within or under the image. An image of a beautiful woman who is smiling at you is guaranteed to grab your audience's attention. While you have their attention, talk about what it is they are looking for. Get them to do something.

Email Marketing Copy Rewrite

copywriting critique

This was the copy that had to be improved--

Dear manager,

Are you aware that over 65% of Americans own a smartphone and 90% of them use it to search for attractive deals including Restaurant Deals and Special offers? Are your deals found in people smartphones? If not then you are losing one of the major growing markets and it’s time to catch up.

More Fluffywriting

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The image above is a screenshot I took of the site. Here are the exact words used...

The latest digital boom has made everything extra easy and we can see the world change through social media networks. We no longer find the need to use the regular phone lines for booking a taxi because you can do that on your iPhone. In fact, with the new smart phones and tablets, you can play any game, learn any language or skill as well as get your daily fix of the news. Videos as well are watched from the net and have almost made the DVD obsolete.

This is well and good for those who have businesses online but bad for physical or local retail stores. It’s because a lot of them are finding it more difficult to close a sale since people are finding it easy to get everything online.

It is therefore natural for those eager to run a business in the future to start heeding these signs. Opening a physical store that sells stuff that people can easily access or get online is not a good idea since there is a high chance that your business will not grow and be sustainable. It is time that everybody starts getting used to the idea that traditional forms of marketing and print media are already a receding custom.

Trendstreamdotnet covered around 26 countries, 90,000 surveys and 3 waves of research and as GlobalWebIndex reports; there are three clear trends in terms of people incorporating internet in their lifestyle. All of them are driving social entertainment via the internet platforms to construct a new age. The report covers their analysis about the existing global situation and the long-term opportunities for professional media, brands and its content producers.

The 3 Major Trends

The first trend...

Imagine... 4 paragraphs and 282 words of pure, unrelated fluffywriting before the writer started talking about his topic.

When writing, you do not EVER need a long introduction--whether articles for your blog, and more importantly, for sales copy. It will only bore your readers, making it easy for them to click the BACK button.

In the first five seconds that you have their attention, give them the best you've got--
3 Social Media Trends...
1. Trend 1... blah, blah, blah
2. Trend 2... blah, blah, blah
3. Trend 3... blah, blah, blah

Remember, your reader will decide within five seconds if they are going to stick around or not. Tell them upfront what it is you want them to know. It's what they came for. Your most important message should go first.

If you want them to keep coming back, reward them with instant gratification.

Be authentic. Don't be afraid to voice out your opinion. If your blog reads like everyone else's, why should they bother reading yours? Google Analytics Data To-date

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The stats from the image above shows Analytics from January 20 to Feb 19. The stats from the image below show Analytics since got started...

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What Can I Do To Decrease My Site's Bounce Rate?

Hi Jim,

What actions can I take to decrease my website's bounce rate? I have been reading and learning a lot about A/B testing and I get the process. But there are a few concerns which make it challenging.

  • You need a lot of visitors to get statistical significance.
  • You can only test one change at a time so that you isolate it.
  • You have to have some degree of knowledge to know what to change and how to engage users.

In my case, I have a template that I use and I want to do these tests BEFORE many people come to the site so that they don't all just leave. So I am not sure what might be the best path to proceed.

Any advice on what I should do? Right now I just want to get people to participate in the site more after they find it. Thanks!


It's Your Business - Why Not Go For The Best That You Can Afford?

you get what you pay for

Get Your Way With Advertising - Always

"Almost everyone in the world, in every field of human endeavor, is desperately searching for someone to believe in. Be that person and you can write your own ticket."

- Gary Bencivenga

Marketing - Does It Have To Be This Complicated?

"Hi Jim,
I am providing marketing services for a local client who is a process efficiency and management expert for small to mid-sized manufacturing firms who bring in 10 Million + in annual sales revenue.

I am looking for someone to develop an overall strategic marketing and business development plan that is broken down into a series of on-going actionable steps over an eighteen month period. While this will obviously contain traditional marketing information and structure, I'm looking for a play-by-play game plan that I can execute with local staff, freelancers and Odesk team members.

marketing strategy made easy

Is This Good Copywriting, Or Fluffywriting?

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This is an example of "sub-par" copywriting. The headline sounds like something you'd expect from a marketer. The website copy is all fluff--plenty of claims with very little proof to support them.

When writing copy, put in twice as many proof elements for every one claim that you make. If you can't come up with anything to support your claim--remove it.

Which Is More Important - Lower Ad Cost Or Better Conversion?

Hi there,

I am running an Adwords campaign for my music school and I have tried to improve my Quality Score and reduce my average cost per click by having a dynamic landing page built specifically for this campaign.

We seem to have everything working and feeding the keyword through from the ad to the landing page (meta tags, page title, content etc) but for some reason it has made no difference whatsoever to our average QS or cost to first page bid.

I'm looking for a genuine expert who can look at our landing page, log into our adwords acount and point out exactly what we are doing wrong.

All the correct information is feeding through for each keyword, so I'm not after someone who can just set these up - I want someone who understands how to look at our campaign and landing page, then diagnose why our QS and costs have not changed when compared to our static landing page.

Here is our landing page:

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Critique for Hypnosis Website

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Observations, plus a few suggestions
First, it's hard to comprehend what the URL Why not try Or try (name-of-doctor), or (benefit)

The title of the blog is taking up too much space. People do not care what the title of your website is. All they care about are themselves and what they stand to gain.

This is why your website is not engaging

I am subscribed to Anna Hoffman's Traffic Generation Cafe. It was a blog recommended by a colleague of mine a few months back. He said it had good page rank with the search engines and that it would be a good idea to comment and get a link back to your site.

Allow me to share with you first, as to what "engaging" means for me.

When you read a good book, you do not write comments, or talk about what you are reading. You simply read, and you are lost to everything else in the world. You isolate yourself from the world in order to concentrate on what you are reading.

In the true sense of the word, that book is "engaging". Ms Hoffman's website is not.

Website critique
A few posts back, she asked a conversion expert to critique her site. The conversion expert made a few recommendations, and according to Miss Hoffman, she has made improvements on her site.

I am writing this critique, not to make fun of Ms Hoffman's work, but to offer suggestions on how she can improve her site.

Ms Hoffman must have done something good back when she was getting started to have such a big following. When I first saw her blog, I was not that impressed. I know a number of low page rank blogs that has more meat on it.

Let's take a look as to why I think the site is distracting itself from its readers.

above the fold
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What To Do So That Your Audience Will Listen

advertising for facebook fan page
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This ad doesn't really offer much benefit to the reader. I went to their Facebook fan page, and then their website looking for that tag-line that offers a benefit the reader will buy. The best that they can come up with was--

We are building technology that addresses Social Advertising needs by amplifying Social Advertiser capabilities.

Facebook Ad Critique - If Yours Is Not A Popular Brand

facebook ad critique

Headline: "Thanks From Icebreaker"

Uhm... Why do you thank me, and who in the world is "Icebreaker"? The image in the ad doesn't even tell me who Icebreaker is.

The advertiser is assuming that everyone is familiar with the brand. Frankly, I have never heard of this brand, and why should I care? I don't even know what this brand is about.

Getting Attention Is Not Enough--Here's Why

If you hate veggies like I do and saw this video, did you find yourself wanting to eat vegetables on your next meal?

What is missing from this ad--how can you make it better?

How I Got Started In Copywriting

under construction.

This screenshot was taken from the last and only seminar Gary Bencivenga gave in his copywriting career. Click on image to enlarge.

Teacher and role model
In martial arts, it is tradition to mention your lineage--who your were, your teachers and everyone else that helped shaped the person that you are today.

StumbleUpon As A Marketing Tool (Infographic)

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StumbleUpon is one of the better tools out there to get eyeballs to your website. It was not meant to convert traffic into customers. That's YOUR JOB.

How To Create Advertising That Sells - David Ogilvy

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How to Create Advertising that Sells

By David Ogilvy

Ogilvy & Mather has created over $1,480,000,000 worth of advertising. Here, with all the dogmatism of brevity are 38 of the things we have learned.

Recommendations For Internet Marketing Website

Good day Jim

I live in South Africa and the internet is only becoming readily available to people now and especially businesses. But very few businesses are using it as a form of advertising and a means of telling people about them and what they do using SEO, social media, articles etc.

I am starting a business that will offer them a service that will do just that. I have a website and I created a basic landing page that was more for SEO purposes but I don't think that is will be effective enough at drawing customers in. So that's why I need you.

I'm gona move my present page somewhere else and the replace it with a more catchy page that will really draw the customers in. So I have 2 options: Either I'll create a buy now button that will allow them to pay on the spot for a set of packages or I'll have a form where they can fill in their details and then I'll get back to them.

Have a good day further

seo website critique

Disclosure Policy

This policy is valid from 31 January 2012

This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me. For questions about this blog, please contact Jim Syyap (jimsyyap at gmail Dot com).

This blog does not accept any form of advertising, sponsorship, or paid insertions. I write for my own purpose. However, I may be influenced by my background, occupation, religion, political affiliation or experience.

The owner(s) of this blog will never receive compensation in any way from this blog.

The owner(s) of this blog is not compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog owners. If I claim or appear to be experts on a certain topic or product or service area, I will only endorse products or services that I believe, based on my experience, are worthy of such endorsement. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider.

This blog does not contain any content which might present a conflict of interest.

Disappointed With Social Media Marketing?

social media marketing fail

I am starting to see a trend that I think you might want to know.

I have been talking to a number of small business owners these past few months. The one question that I always ask them is this--"How does social media marketing work for you?"

Their answer?

"It doesn't."

Failing to convert
From the feedback that I got from them, engaging in social media does not necessarily equate to more leads.

According to them, social media marketing is like the ads you see on TV and newspapers, only cheaper. Just because you see them everyday doesn't mean people are going to buy.

People "Like" a brand to get Freebies and discounts, but ignore the marketers' status updates the way they ignore ads on TV. The only difference, small business owners say, is that the audience can make comments on these ads.

Interactive spam
It seems to me that advertisements has evolved--it is now interactive. The message is still considered as noise and an unwanted intrusion into the audience's attention.

What is different this time is that social media marketing costs less, and that the audience can comment on the marketer's status updates.

Naturally, my next question was, "To get more leads for your business, what works?"

Online ads--Facebook ads and Google Adwords.


When a person is ready to make a decision, they look for answers. They ask their social network. If they can't find feedback there, they use google and look for reliable product reviews.

If the brand is available on, they go there and look up feedback left by people who bought them.

As they go about looking for answers, they find advertising. If the ad seems to offer the solution that they are looking for, they click on it.

What is your opinion on this?

Ad Critique - Weak Headlines and How to Make Them Better

Hi all,

I'm reasonably new here but I'm hoping that unlike a lot of people I see posting similar requests I've actually read and absorbed the guidance on here before asking for advice. So, here goes - do your worst! I'm very open to suggestions:

NB: I have a bug with the image slider in Firefox on a mac, working to resolve but if you use chrome all is well. Much Appreciated.

- R

Here's what I think
Headline is in all-caps. It's like shouting. It's ok to capitalize a word or two, but only to highlight a benefit. As you can see, you lose its effectiveness when you capitalize every word in your headline.

The headline gives too many benefits--"boost creativity, solve problems, face fears." Pick one major benefit that you think that is most common with your target audience. Everything else you can mention in your copy.

"Ultimate shortcut." Why did you say it's the ultimate? You probably would have a better headline if this claim were more specific. Quantify your claim, then highlight this in the headline.

"Unlock the power of your mind." What power? We all know about mind power, but which one were you referring to?

Motivation to read
Can you see how important the headline is? Your headline has to grab the reader's attention. It has to give them an incentive to stop whatever it is they are doing and make time to read your copy.

As you can see in this ad, this headline failed to hold the reader's attention. There's too much going on and yet, no clear benefit is given to the reader.

What can you do for me?
Let's take a look at the sub-headline: "Did You Know? You’ll Spend Almost 3000 Hours Asleep This Year..."

So what?

Strike two. Next...

"...Now Get Something Back With DreamExtreme - from Marshall Supplements."

Imagine you were in your living room, having a great time. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. You open the door and the salesperson starts shouting about who they are and what they do. They then show you these supplements, "You wanna buy these?"

What would you do?

If you were that salesperson, how would you do things differently? On the comment section below, tell me how you are going to rewrite the headline.

Is This "Killer Copy"?

I found this image off a copywriter's website. The author claims that this is killer copy that got results.

Take a good look at the image again for four seconds, then tell me--what do you think is the product? What can it do for you?

If you don't know what the answers are, how can this be an effective ad?

Website Critique For Social Media Marketing Company

Hi, I am looking for an experienced copywriter to review the copy on our corporate website. We are looking for someone who can write engaging sales copy for the website.

Kindly review the content on the website, as well as write new copy were necessary and make recommendations for improvements which we can upload to the site

We require this job to be completed ASAP as the site is live, we have a lot of work of this nature so there good be ongoing work for the right candidate.

Here are screenshots of their websites, above the fold, and below--